Showing Up

I've been hiding. Oh, I'm still here in the physical sense. Working, eating, sleeping, and going through the motions. But my words? They've turned to ghosts, haunting my mind, unable to escape while my keyboard collects dust. The excuses come easily: 'No one will notice.' 'Nobody cares about these thoughts.' 'There are more important things to focus on.'

Each day away from writing made returning more daunting, like interest on a debt. The gap widens and the wall grows taller with each sunrise, becoming harder to scale. While my mind conjures alternatives to facing the blank page, the wall grows higher and the resistance stronger. Each day without writing is another brick in place—the inaction compounding on itself.

The mask of indifference fits well, and like a ghost, I've retreated to my lonely corner. It's comfortable here in the shadows. But I've had to remind myself, this is for me. This is a challenge I accepted and a promise I made to keep writing—and in public, where my words can't hide. Not to gain recognition or be noticed, but because it scares me. And that's why it matters: growth sits on the other side of fear and vulnerability.

This is about integrity—the commitment to do what we say, even if no one's watching (or reading). I've lost my way. Each broken promise has moved me away from who I am and who I want to be. It's not just about writing anymore. It's about recognizing that I've let my integrity slip away. But acknowledging this feels like the first handhold on a steep climb back. Getting back to the page isn't just about overcoming writer's block; it's about rebuilding trust, one kept promise at a time. It's about reclaiming my integrity, step by step.

James Clear writes about mastering the art of showing up: facing life's challenges or, even more difficult, confronting the mess you've made. That's what I'm doing now: showing up, imperfectly but consistently. I'm unsure what shape my writing will take moving forward. But each time I face the blank page, I'm rebuilding more than just a writing habit. While this space explores the intersection of meaning and money, I'm learning that sometimes the most valuable currency is simply showing up.