I haven’t been writing lately. I could come up with a mountain of excuses. But the truth is that I’ve been lazy—prioritizing other things. I tried to push it out of my mind and rationalize it;
No one cares if I stop.
I’ll write tomorrow.
I have nothing to say this week.
I kept pushing it off—waiting for inspiration to strike. Days turned to weeks and then months. Inspiration never came. So I stopped. Then I let my brain get to work explaining why it was ok to stop. Our brains are good at that—giving us reasons why we did or didn’t do something after the fact. It’s rarely right. It’s simply a reason that makes us feel better.
So I cozied up with my reasons. After a while, I really started to rationalize;
Well, it’s been too long now. It’ll be weird if I start again.
Maybe it will be weird. Perhaps no one cares I stopped. There’s a decent chance I don’t have much to say from week to week. But that’s not the point. I came back to the reason I was doing this in the first place. I write for me. I write for the challenge of it. I write for the clarity it brings me.
So I’m back on the proverbial horse.
Looking back on this year, there are a few things I’ve learned or that have been reinforced. They apply to finicky writing as much as they do to money and life.
I hope they’re helpful:
The middle part is the hardest
When you lose someone close to you everyone rallies. While it’s hard, it’s also quite uplifting to feel the love and support. The harder part is when everyone moves on with their life—when the rally putters out.
And everyone should move on. That’s how life goes. But you still have the hole in your heart and the constant deep ache that never seems to go away.
The middle is the hardest part. And it’s like that with most of life.
The start of a race.
Saving for retirement.
Eating healthier.
The beginning is the easy part. The middle is when it gets hard. The slog. That’s when your inspiration is gone and your willpower is cracking. Distractions are growing and the desire to stop grows with it.
Power through. Keep moving. That’s all you can do.
Imposter syndrome is a good thing
Look around. Pretty much everyone you see is someone that feels out of place at one time or another.
From parents wrangling their toddler to the old lady counting out her quarters to pay for groceries. Even the nicely dressed person with the super important-sounding title at work. We’re all just trying to find our place in this world. And it’s a lifelong journey.
It shouldn’t be lonely feeling out of place. Instead, find comfort in the fact that we’re all in this crazy—figuring-shit-out-as-we-go—life together.
I used to think imposter syndrome was a bad thing. I mean, it’s in the name. Syndrome. That sounds like something to avoid. I’ve felt it most of my career. I’ve felt it as a parent. I feel it writing.
But I’ve shifted my mindset around it. I’ve started embracing it.
While it’s uncomfortable to feel like you’re doing things above your pay grade, that’s where the growth happens.
When I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing I know I’m exactly where I should be.
I just think I’m going to feel good on the other side of this.
There is no progress without pain
Gains in the long term almost always require pain in the short run.
No muscle grows without putting it under tension.
You cannot advance knowledge without straining and stretching your mind.
Buying freedom in the future comes at the cost of comforts in the present.
Long-term returns in the markets come at the short-term pain of volatility.
Like risk and return, it is impossible to uncouple the relationship between progress and pain. They go hand in hand. And like investing, every time you try to find a shortcut around this relationship, you end up hurting yourself more.
Go the long way—the way that requires patience, and time. Embrace the pain. It’ll be worth it.
There are very few things that actually matter
It’s so easy to get distracted nowadays. Like unbelievably easy. In fact, it seems like the entire world is designed to pull us to the now at the cost of what we want later.
From the supercomputer loaded with social media apps in your pocket to the 24-hour news cycle—it takes a monumental effort to stay focused on what matters.
And very few things actually matter in the end. The things that do matter, matter a lot.
Naval once said that happiness is
“A calm mind, a fit body, and a house full of love.”
That’s the best summary I’ve ever found for what matters.
A calm mind comes from a constant striving to improve and make a positive impact on others. It also comes from making enough of an income that my family and I don’t stress day-to-day about money.
A fit body means I’m prioritizing those that rely on me being around for a while.
And a house full of love means I’m investing in the most important thing in this life; our relationships.
That’s where I try to put my focus. I do so knowing that I will constantly be distracted or knocked off my path to a purposeful life. And that’s ok. Hit the refresh button and keep moving forward.
If you can’t enjoy it, what’s the point of having it?
The “I’ll be happy when…” syndrome is one to avoid.
Comparison and status-chasing are part of being human in the modern world. Our society is hierarchical by nature. But it used to be that you were comparing yourself to your neighbors and coworkers—people you saw on a regular basis. Now, you have access to just about everyone in the world.
Even worse, most of what you see is photoshopped highlights of others’ lives. Put another way, it’s all fake. It’s a dangerous game to be comparing your whole real life to pieces of someone else’s fake life. There’s nothing but madness down that road.
Complete avoidance is probably too much to ask. The goal should be to avoid it most of the time. Try to remember the game you’re playing. A long-term game of fulfillment and wealth is a game that everyone can win. Play that game. Define what wealth means to you and build your life around that. Let everyone else chase status.
It’s good to want things you don’t have and to work to get them. Just don’t forget to enjoy the things you do have along the way.
In the end, if you can’t enjoy it while you have it then what’s the point of having it?
Here’s to making money matter!
Matt, I'm glad you're back writing I enjoy your thoughts and insights. I appreciate your comments about rationalization and procrastination it's part of my daily routine. It's easy to think that it doesn't matter or it's unimportant, or too hard... But if it matters to you than it's worth doing.
The comments about the middle stage after the beginning of whatever, be it a loss of someone, a goal, or whatever is so true. It's easy to get lost in the middle without constant support, encouragement, commitment, and effort. That's why we need each other and the constant reminder we're not alone in the battle.
The last section about comparison and social media reminds me of a quote from Theodore Roosevelt
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
Keep writing I enjoy your insights and I'll remember to keep pushing through the middle parts.
Great words, as always. I’m glad you are back writing. I’ve read every piece you’ve written and there are always pearls of wisdom that I gain. Thanks for not listening to the voices in your head!